you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
