looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
