I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
