And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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