so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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