So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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