eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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