Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
