I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
