You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
