My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
