Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
