Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize