Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
