Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
