Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
