Cold hands, warm shart.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
