he shaved USA in his pubs
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
