So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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