She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
