I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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