Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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