Porn is love you can see.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she peed on how many people?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
As shirtless as possible
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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