she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
