im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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