My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
