Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
