I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The adults are the big ones right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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