If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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