If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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