FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
