last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
