Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
