I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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