Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
