When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
