ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
