help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
