sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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