Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
