i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
