Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
