what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
