I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
