I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
