sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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