he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
