thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
