oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I need help removing her.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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