I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
