im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
there is glitter all over my balls
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
