Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
