I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
