i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
