i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
