Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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