She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
