I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
